When there’s a fight coming with your partner, you probably sense it way before it hits. Your blood starts to boil, your stomach racing, and probably have some headaches. But have you ever tried to figure out the reasons you usually fight in a relationship? If you did, you would agree with me when I say the little things that one or both of you does are the main reason for those marks on your face.
One of the most common reasons people fight is money, the other is chores and eventually some pinky behaviors like lack of respect, ignorance, and barbaric body language. I know we have all experienced it when we feel like one of the parties is not doing the dishes more often.
In most cases, these small fights in a relationship are not just the minor things we see and assume are painful. Sometimes it’s not all about the dishes or the dirty socks on the floor, maybe you feel like the other party doesn’t respect or appreciate your contributions.
Instead of fighting over dishes or socks, there’s something you two can do to avoid those minor and immature fights. This brief covers some little behaviors and habits that we assume are normal but are definitely killing our relationships.
1. Waiting For Your Partner To Fix An Issue Before You Did
The reason why this is at the top of the list today is that I feel it’s the mother of all the issues in a relationship. Most partners will not be willing to take the actions. They will actually wait for the other partner to talk about it so that they can contribute. I usually think that someone should try and talk about anything, look for a solution and act independently most of the time without having to wait for the other party.
2. Expecting Your Partner Will Solve Your Emotional Distress
I can testify this is a very common habit that people assume is normal but very destructive in a relationship. There are many times you have a bad day and carry that stress and pressure to your partner. I know there are many times you have complained about your partner not contributing in any way to solve your feelings about a bad encounter.
If you have attempted that, I can guess with near certainty that you have built up resentment about your partner not being emotionally there for you. That is a common problem that I usually think you can solve independently.
3. Speaking In Absolutes
Some of the things we say when we are angry can cost us. Some partners have a tendency of making others feel less admired and wanted. Instead of saying “I regret having someone that makes me get angry’’, you can say “What you did wasn’t right and it made me feel bad’’. When you speak in absolutes, you are definitely creating expectations based on what you want and not what the relationship wants.
4. Ignoring Problems
As it is the case with almost all relationships, there are some inevitable problems we are very likely to face. What makes the difference in such a case is how well we can solve these problems and move on. However, to some couples, solving a problem is the last thing. Most people always think that avoiding a problem is a perfect solution.
When there’s an issue, they are likely to give their partner a silent treatment and eventually make some silly passive jabs. To some people, this only makes the problem worse and a solution can never be brought forward.
5. Having Different Sex-Pectations
The doctors say that there are rare cases of fights about sexual intimacy. However, when they knock, they are very destructive and can lower the self-esteem of both partners. Someone associates sex with the time one is held, cuddled, and “affectionate’’. In this case, they are trying to meet too many expectations with sex which can be dangerous.
6. You Want Your Partner To Make You Feel Special
We have all heard some statements like “If he really loved me, he would buy me what I want’’. According to most experts, this is a very unrealistic expectation that can destroy the relationship. Feeling special is a combined effort that you should embrace. It all starts by telling him what you need for the valentine and showing him how much you need it. It’s also a complement thing and not a substitute thing. As a matter of fact, the special gifts shouldn’t be coming from one direction. It’s for the two of them to make each other feel special.
How To Avoid Them
1. Anger Is Not Disruptive, Rage Is
To avoid these little issues that can be toxic to your relationship, you, first of all, have to understand that it’s normal for someone to be angry. However, how someone responds to anger makes a huge difference. You just need to state the feelings and find a solution.
2. Open Up
We all have different sex-pectations and expectations in a relationship that can only blend well if shared with the other partner. What I am trying to say is that you have to make sure that all that you have in your nerves and blood is shared clearly and the other party understands it better.
3. Respect Matters A Lot
In a relationship, respect is key. It starts with each other understanding the boundaries and trying hard not to cross them. You don’t have to insult your partner or alter some things that can be destructive to them. Just start by respecting everything they say and everything will be in line.
4. Never Avoid The Anger
As I had already stated, being angry is very normal but avoiding that feeling and hiding it inside will only make you burst into flames. Don’t stuff your feelings because you are very likely to explode. Just remember that anger can never diminish love. It’s absolutely nice to be angry with the ones you love.
5. Listen To What You Feel
Biologically, your body will release chemicals when you are angry and these chemicals are the ones that make you react. Before you react, listen to your body and understand all your feelings so that you can know how to deal with them.
Check out this article to know more about how to make your relationship last forever.